I really enjoyed being with Dan. At the same time, I hated it more than anything.
Allow me to explain.
I liked being with Dan because he was always such great company and so easy to talk to. I'd laughed more in my few years with Dan than I had in my entire life. He was funny, entertaining, and just...well, just perfect, to put it simply.
I also hated being with Dan. I hated being with him because the longer I spent with him, the more I'd want to tell him 'I'm so madly in love with you it hurts'. The deeper I fell for him.
It hurt me, to be honest. It hurt me because I was falling so hard for someone that I could never have. He was straight and I wasn't good looking. It was a relationship that was destined to fail. The idea of us being a couple just weirded him out.
I liked the way our relationship was - we were sort of affectionate, in the sense that we could cuddle up on the couch or unconditionally touch each other without it being 'weird'. Dan had called us 'platonic friends'. That was accurate, I guess, but I wanted to be so much more than that.
"You want a go?" Dan asked from his beanbag, pulling me out of my little daydream. I was sitting on the couch, watching him trying to complete Sonic Heroes for the millionth time. I enjoyed watching him play them more than actually playing them myself.
"Uh, um, no, I'm okay, thanks." I stumbled over my own words. Mentally, I was slapping myself. I always acted like such an idiot when he was around. I was like a twelve year old girl, I know, but it wasn't something I could help. It was my head being all messed up.
"Play two player with me. It's boring on my own." He said, passing me a controller. Fake sighing, I took it and picked my character. I always let Dan win in any kind of challenge we would do together. I was actually quite good at video games; heck, I was playing them twenty-four seven before I met him and started to talk to people and socialize again.
A few minutes into playing, I got squashed by one of the robots.
"You tit! How did you manage that?!" Dan shouted as the 'Game over' screen flashed on our television. I smiled nervously.
"I, uhm, zoned out, I guess." It wasn't a lie either - I really had been zoning out. It was his fault though, y'know? He was always so determined when he was playing video games, it was an amazing and beautiful thing to watch.
"You've been doing that a lot lately, Phil. Something up?" He asked me, sounding so concerned and worried. It was things like that that made me want to tell him how I felt. The way my problems were never just my problems. They were ours. And that made me happier than words could ever say, for some reason.
"Nothing much. I just have a lot on my mind." I smiled, avoiding his eyes. I really, really wanted to tell him. It would've been the perfect moment too - sure, he'd probably reject me in a typical Danesque way, but at least I wouldn't be carrying the burden of that on my chest anymore.
"Love life?" He teased, although he was actually right. It was my love life. Or, rather, my lack of one.
I sneaked a glance at him. His face was as bright as a kid's on Christmas day.
"Who?! Is it Jenna?" He squeaked, clapping his hands together. He was genuinely interested on who I had a crush on. I almost felt bad for not telling him; but I couldn't. He found 'Phan' weird. I did too at first, but after I started to develop feelings for him, I thought they were pretty accurate.
Some of them. Obviously, the skin fic didn't even come into the equation.
"I can't tell, Dan. You won't like it." I winked slyly, enjoying it more than I should have. God, sometimes I made myself sound like a complete and utter pervert.
"Really, I'll like whoever it is. If you like her Phil, she's got to be pretty damn amazing. I mean, it's been so long since you've had a girlfriend, it's no wonder some of our fans think we're in a relationship." He giggled, and man, what a sound that was.
"Well, you liked Anthony, so your standards are pretty low." I laughed, but only to change the subject. I knew Dan would give up soon, so I just needed to distract him long enough for his patience to run out.
"If you're not going to tell me, let's just start a new game." He sighed, pressing the menu button on the x-box. I picked my character again, and so did he. We could have just slipped back into our regular routine. It would all be forgotten about.
Until I did something I'll never, ever be able to explain.
"It's you, Dan." I said quietly. So quietly I doubted he could hear me. Then I started crying, the tears falling hot and fast down my cheeks until they formed a steady stream down my face. I still played, trying to see past the blur in front of my eyes.
As I was trying to blink the tears away, I felt a soft pair of lips kissing my cheeks. I opened my eyes to see Dan bent down in front of me, his face so close it went out of focus when I tried to look directly at him.
He kissed my cheeks until the tears were gone. And he kissed me long after they were gone. I sat there, my mind blank and my breathing jagged because that was all I felt capable of doing.
Eventually, he pulled away from my cheeks to catch his breath. I was still sitting there, just staring at him. I couldn't comprehend what he'd just done. It just...it didn't make any sense.
"I know someone who's possibly the stupidest, most adorable person ever." He whispered, bending down to briefly kiss my lips.